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Oh fer...

Dec. 19th, 2007 | 11:25 am

1 effing 18.

Thank goodness I'm fasting today. What was I thinking eating so much yesterday? I must have been insane. I'm gonna go heavy on the water too, to see if it will, er, make things move.
Watch, tomorrow I'll be 20300593925.4.
Stupid stupid body.

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Ahhah... dang.

Dec. 18th, 2007 | 11:02 pm

Yes, this is supposed to be my 400 day.
I'm freaking out at 221 calories, and that's not even net, my net calories are barely over 100.

It's a good thing, but how can I possibly calorie-cycle if I can't get my high days in?

I'm scared stiff that tomorrow, when I have to fast, I'll want to eat everything in the house. Bloody body doesn't work the way I want it to. And I'm down to my last can of soda, bloody brilliant timing. At least my book comes in tomorrow, give me something to do.

I just had a cucumber, and I want to purge? What? That isn't me. I used to b/p but...
Won't be purging, I promised me I wouldn't, I can't do that anymore.

Got more art supplies too, early Christmas present. Oh, and I think eating veggies got my mum off my back, because I think she's attributing my restricted eating to me going vegetarian again. Yeah, I'm one of those people that go on and off vegetarianism, ohnoes, I'm a monster for not really caring about animal rights.

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Nothing but fat disgusting food. (Trigger warning?)

Dec. 18th, 2007 | 04:25 pm

Wanna know what's in our fridge?

The good
Brussel sprouts
Floppy celery (uhm, yeah, it's been there awhile)
My diet soda

The bad
Deli meat, (9 calories per slice and enough sodium to stop an elephant dehydrated in it's tracks.)
Processed cheese-like rubber (Shopping bags of the stuff. Yeah, on sale)
Chili, laden with meat and beans
Eggs (I'm not really allowed to use just the whites, and we're saving the eggs for gifts*)
Biscuit dough (flaky biscuit and crossaint)
Pie crust
Butter, butter, and more bloody butter
Canned ham (it's like spam only... just... as disgusting)

The otherwise un-noteworthy
Condiments; barbecue sauce, ketchup, Miracle Whip, mayonnaise, mustards of all size and description, cream cheese, jelly, Reddi Whip, Cool Whip

I don't even know if I got everything, but it's pretty bad.
This doesn't even cover the boxed wonderland of calories and fat that is our cabinets. Sampler; Velveeta Cheese Shells, cake mix, chicken stuffing, pasta in herb and garlic creamy sauce...

I'm supposed to have about 400 calories today so I can fast tomorrow so I can mix things up and lose more weight, but for pete's sake, faced with these choices it's bloody impossible.

*This doesn't sound so strange if you realize they're free-range eggs which come in brown, blue-ish green, and creamy off-white, we keep chickens.

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Today's stuffs

Dec. 17th, 2007 | 07:55 pm

I was 117 today, I ought to be 116.5 or lighter by now, but I guess I'll take what I can get.

I splurged a little today, 166 calories.

That Cauliflower Ketchup thing I do; 100 calories
Bit of candy cane; 16 calories
Watermelon; 50 calories

Higher than usual, but I did extra exercise and my net intake is 39 calories.
I wonder if that net intake thing is real... either way, I try not to rely on it too much.

Had a poo today, which was nice, maybe the steamed cauliflower got me going.

He got me a sketching set! Huzzah, that's so cool. After Christmas he's taking me to Off The Wall to look at some knives, 'cause he wants one. I'm awful at picking gifts :(

I can't wait to be 110, I can't wait to be 98, I can't wait to be thin.

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Various updates

Dec. 17th, 2007 | 04:11 am

Just got home, finally got to weigh myself. Still 118... But it's late, I've had solid food and soda, so maybe I'll weigh less in the morning. According to my goal paper I need to weigh 117 by now.

Intake today;

1.5 cups salad with abouta tsp of italian dressing; 40-ish.
1 oz of potato salad; 40-ish again.

80 calories, give or take.

Man, I wish I didn't love apples. That's a lot of food up there, for fewer calories than an apple is. Can't wait for my book to come in, that's gonna be some serious thinspirific reading.

I'm also in love with this Cranberry Splash Sierra Mist (diet of course). It tastes like a cherry limeade, it's fantastic. I hope it isn't discontinued after the holidays, I'll have to stock up.

Maybe I'll go take a tums or something, I feel a little bloated.

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Dec. 11th, 2007 | 05:02 pm

So near my first goal weight.

And it's pathetic.
120 pounds? What the hell is that? Oh, right, I know; not effing good enough.

I mean, bloody hell, I have chunky wrists. Who in the world has chunky wrists for pete's sake, how exactly does that happen? It's like I got breast implants and the doctor screwed up and put them in my wrists.
I don't even want to talk about my legs. Aug.

At least I've lost like an inch and a half off my waist since my fast. Maybe a half an inch off my thighs. Hips are the same, darned things.

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Dec. 10th, 2007 | 08:29 pm
mood: blankblank

I need to decide whether to ask mum to take me to the store for (diet) soda or not. She probably won't anyway, especially since someone stole twenty dollars from me, I'll need to go to the bank again. If I ask her, she'll probably not only tell me I drink to much, but she'll say that if I ate I wouldn't be so thirsty. Ever single problem I ever have, she blames on 'not eating'. What, gaining 20+ pounds in a few months didn't prove that I ate enough (too much) already?

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